squiggly

The doctor confirmed it last Monday!  I’m definetely having a baby.  The due date is November 17th.  I’m almost 7 weeks along.  I’m so excited.  I have been having morning sickness and the works.  It’s okay with me. I miscarried my second one and had no symptoms so i’ll take puking over nothing at all.  Today’s my birthday so this is great news to get near my birthday.  I’m 35 years old today.  Yippee skippee!!  Lol!!!

Well,  just when I was getting serious, another kink came into the weight loss. I found out Monday that I’m expecting my second child.  I go to the doctor on this upcoming Monday to get verification but I’ve had two positive tests.  I’m really excited because I’ve wanted this for a long time.  The only thing is that I’m basically starting all over again.  My son will be 13 in June.  I don’t believe in trying to actively lose weight while pregnant.  However, I also don’t believe on eating for two either.  I plan on eating and drinking as healthy as I can but I won’t be paying to close attention to weight.  I miscarried once so I’m going to do my best to keep this one.  My due date should be sometime in November.  I’m really excited.  I want a  little girl but will be happy with a boy as well.  I just want it to be healthy.  Well,  I’ll come back and check in from time to time. 

Well, to start off with my weigh in.  I chickened out and didn’t go. Why?  I’m a big chickenhead…lol!!!  No, really it’s because I felt like a bloated whale.  I am due to start my monthly and I knew scales would go up.  As I said before, I’m doing the better weigh program at the Y and my mother in law had lost almost 3 pounds. I didn’t want to ruin our standings with a gain.  She skipped one weigh and so did I.  I should have gone though.  I haven’t made it to the Y to workout yet. Wanted to go this afternoon but my child saw fit to get into trouble at school.  He turns 13 in June and I don’t think I’m going to survive the teenage years.  

Food wise could be a lot better. The one good habit that i have learned is to stop eating when I’m full.  I just need to eat the right kind of food.  I’m going to work hard on that.  Yesterday, was frozen pizza for lunch and spanish hot dogs, fried mushrooms, and root beer float for supper.  Darn the root beer stand for opening up.  Heck, not a big hot dog fan so it may be the only time I eat there this year.  I do like the mushrooms.  The nice thing is that it is a small helping of them.  I have to eat out for lunch tomorrow because I got to go to work early for video’s.  I’m going to lose this weight. I want to be able to buy a nice a outfit for graduation.

OK, a lot has changed since I’ve been on here.   First, let’s start with the non diet news.  I obtained my LPN license.  I passed state boards first time around.  Yippee!!!  IT’s nice to work as a  nurse but a lot harder than I anticipated.

Second, on the diet front.  I gained back all that I lost and about five more. I topped out at 275 but am back down to 268 in the last month.  It’s been hard.  I have graduation on May 14th and I so badly want to lose another 20 pounds.  It’s over two months away and I think I can do it but I really need to get motivated to do it.  I got my Y membership back but don’t use it to my advantage.  Food is for convience.  Nursing is ten times harder than I thought and I come home and am exhausted.  I work 2nd shift but love to sleep in late in the morning. I really need to get my butt in gear and lose this.  This week I’m going to work hard on food and exercise. I have no excuses really not to get it done. I’m going to the Y tomorrow for my weigh in and am expecting a gain.  I’m going to workout while I’m there.  I will work out Monday as well. I’m off on Wednesday and will work out then as well.  I’m involved in the better weigh program with my mother in law at the Y.  With this program, you get a personal trainer. Or should i say you are supposed to get one. We got more of a coach but I’m not getting much from him.  He’s been successful with the program and lost a lot but we really wanted someone who would push us in the exercise portion of weight loss.  I’m also frustrated because even to get together with him isn’t really possible for me.  He is only available in the evenings when I’m at work.  I told them that I needed to have a daytime trainer.  We are going to sign up for it again but I’m going to stress more of what I want and hopefully we’ll get what we ask for.  I want to be successful.  I want to lose this weight.  It’s up to me to make it work.  I’m going to get to the Y three times this week and not eat out.  I will accomplish my goals.

Well, I’ve survived two days better than what I figured I would do.  I didn’t intend on counting points again right away but I did. I just started doing it and fell right back into it.  I’m so excited.   I know I can do this. 

Ok, i survived the second semester of nursing classes. Two down and one more to go.  Yippee!!  I am ashamed to say that I gained back close to 15 pounds. Yikes!  Well, I weighed in at 254.4 this morning.  So where does this leave me.   It leaves me with hard work.  Stress has gotten me here.  I’ve made excuses after excuses.   It’s exactly what it is excuses.  I am going to work hard and stop making them.  Stress is part of everyday life. I don’t believe there is one person out there who can claim to have a total stress free life.  I came to the conclusion though that not eating right and not following plan is causing me stress.  I made out some diary sheets that will allow me to write down my food for every meal and snack.  I have a spot to write down my exercise, track my water intake, and there is even a spot at the end of the week to write my accomplishments and the things I need to work on. 

I am on my last day of vacation.  I did manage to get rid of the dew during vacation so that is a great thing.  I just need to work on food portions, exercise, and the kinds of food.  This is doable. I’ve done it before and can do it again successfully this time. 

I’m not feeling so well today.  I called off work.   It’s a good way to stay on plan though. LOL!!!  I’m feeling better with my attitude though.  Thanks to all the comments that I got yesterday.  I like the approach that you all took.  I don’t want the standard you’ll do better tomorrow comments.  I want the ok you didn’t do this right and let’s try it this way approach.  Does this make sense.  There is always tomorrow but tomorrow never comes.  I want to make positive changes today.  I want a kick in the butt.  Of course, I want to be told when I do something right because with constructive criticism comes praise for well doing.  This is why I have always liked this site.  People aren’t afraid to help and you all do it in such a way that isn’t degrading.  I appreciate you all.  I will do better and make the weight loss happen.  I’m currently weighing 247.8.  No specific goals except to lose.

I”m ashamed to say that I’ve gained almost 10 pounds back since I’ve been on here last.  It really sucks. I had to quit ww due to gas prices.  I’m at school full time and it’s going well. I work full time and it’s going well also.  My marriage is a little rocky now.  We won’t go into our anniversary disaster or the dealings with it.

I just know that I haven’t seemed to be able to get my act together. I eat without thinking.  Grabbing a mt dew is not unusual.  I could easily grab a water but I don’t.  I feel drained majority of the time.  Emotionally and physically.  I feel like I’m falling apart at the time and it sucks. I know my time is spread thin.  I need to get away but can’t afford to.  I’m just frustrated with life right now and it sucks.  I feel like I’ve failed.  I am letting myself down, my family, and Steph down.  I want to get back to doing good like I was.

I had an almost perfect day yesterday and it sure felt great.  I passed up oreo’s which is a big thing for me lately.  They seem to be my food of choice lately.  LOL!!  I’m off to another good today bu tnot sure how lunch is going to go.  I may end up having my free meal today.  I’m going to do that once a week. I’m going to try to keep it on Saturday or Sunday because its a week away from weigh in.  I am going to accomplish my 10 pound goal this month. I stepped on the scales this morning and it was down from yesterday’s weigh in. I even drank my water yesterday.  How cool is that?  LOL!!!

I had an almost perfect day.  I did very well today.  The feeling I have from doing good is absolutely fantastic. I have to remember this feeling.  I have points leftover even but that is okay I don’t plan on using them.  I didn’t exercise but I’m not to worried about it. I’ll exercise tomorrow.  I’m feeling confident. I have no excuses to make now.  School gave me way to many.  I have to learn to get rid of the excuses even when I’m stressed.  It goes to prove that old habits die hard.  They also say that it takes 3 weeks to make habits and I’m off school for 4 weeks.  I am going to make new habits!