squiggly

Today was the worst day for therapy. I had a different therapist and she really worked my foot and ankle.  I would have been okay with the pain.  No pain no gain.  It was the fact that she kept putting her finger on my incision and pushing in on it.  I would tell her and she would move it to only move it back.  My MIL took me today and held her hand and squeezed it the whole time.  I was about crying.  I want my other therapist back.   They can’t see my incision because of the wrapping on it.  They only take off the ace bandages and splint.  It really sucked.

Anyway there isn’t much to report today.  Thank you all for your comments on yesterdays long rant.  Diet is still going good. 

I find myself doing things different then what I did before.  I will take pepsi one’s with me when we go places so I’m not stucking getting pop or something I shouldn’t have when i get thirsty.  When we go out to eat,  I make sure to count my points but still stop when I’m full.  I think about every bite that goes into my mouth.  Today, instead of ordering a pizza to be delivered (hubby’s idea because he didn’t want to go get my salad), I called my MIL to see if she can go get me a sandwich instead.  She’s going to BK to get me a whopper jr with cheese no mayo.  I like mayo but save 2 points by not having it.  I would have enjoyed my pizza more and 2 slices equal the whopper jr; however, I may not have stopped at 2 pieces.  Jakob told me to order half and half and he would eat his half for supper.   I would have done this gladly for Domino’s because I don’t care for their cheese pizza.  I would have to order pizza hut and I do like their cheese pizza.  I’m trying to stay on plan for more then one reason.  I feel like everything’s out of my control right now.  The one thing I can control is what I put in my mouth.  I have the piece of mind knowing that I am doing what I need to in order to lose weight.  I want to get this weight off and keep it off.  I can almost guarantee that once I get back to walking that I will lose weight just because I’ll be allowed to move.  The great thing is that I’ve seen people do things for me that I don’t think would have normally.  My SIL drives from Logansport to take me to ww meetings and has come to just feed me.  Of course, we visit which beats it all.  We all know that I love her.  My parents are helping with taking me to dr and therapy appointments.  They are also feeding me on Friday.  They don’t normally go out of their way for people including their children.  This is at least the impression that they have given us.  I’m glad that my  impression was wrong.  My son like I’ve said previously is being a trooper.  He makes sure that I stay on plan during my weak times.  Hubby also has him in charge of doing laundry.  Hubby doesn’t know how.  Hubby is a unique case.  He has been great for cooking and dishes.  He, however, doesn’t do it with even close to a smile on his face.  He grumbles and yells.  He loves me but he has a knack for making me feel worse then I already do.  There are things he won’t do just because he doesn’t feel like it.  It really sucks.  He told me it was a hassle to get me out and then wonders why I feel like an inconvenience.  If he’s ever in my shoes, he may understand more.  I’m trying to be sympathetic with him.  There are times that he’s great.   Okay, I don’t want to make this  depressing like yesterday’s entry.

I don’t know if I  blogged on my son’s wrestling.  My son just started wrestling.  He dabbled in it last year but it didn’t go anywhere after  he didn’t get to wrestle in his first meet due to no one being in his weight class.  He decided to give it another shot this year.  He did get to wrestle in the meet last Sunday.  He won first place.  My husband came home gushing about how good he did.  I didn’t get to see it but I’m proud of him as well.  Well, he gets to go to the meet this weekend in Battle Creek, Michigan.  He could have gone last year but we didn’t take him because he won by default and we didn’t want him to go up there and get embarrassed.  He’s been more gung ho this year and is really into it so we are taking him this year.  We have a hotel room reservation.  Yes, my non walking behind is going.  We have a wheelchair.  Hubby wasn’t going to take him without me.  I’ll hurt because of my foot dangling but I have pills for that and I will survive.  It’ll be nice to get away.  I’m not exactly sure I’ll be able to watch him actually wrestle due to my wheelchair and not sure how everything will be set up.  I may just have to find a place to park and take a magazine to read.  We will take the camera and take pictures.  I’m excited.  The child deserves this for helping me.  I love my son more than life.  I got asked the other day when I told someone that my son was an only child if he was hard to raise.  I thought about it for a second.  I told the person no.  He’s had his moments but he’s been far from hard.  Every child will get into trouble and test boundaries.  It’s normal and I would be worried if he didn’t get into trouble.  He does for the most part listen to us.  He’s a great kid with good manners and a huge heart.

Okay, I’m rambling.  I’m bored and I love to talk to when I’m bored.  Thank you to everyone who read the whole thing or even part.   

I don’t really have much to report today.  I had therapy today which went well.  I go back Wednesday and Friday.  I want to thank everyone for their support and kind words.  It sure lifts my spirits to come on here and see the comments left on my blog and to read other blogs that you all have wrote.  While I was prepared for the physical toll of my foot, I was most definetely not prepared for the emotional side of it.  I’ve been going through a depression of sorts at times.  I don’t ever remember crying so much over stupid things.  I’m doing good staying on plan and that is reassuring. It sucks because I can’t really get on the scales.  Hubby has threatened to hide them on me because I get on them.  I did this morning and the scales were bouncing around in the 240’s.  They bounce around because I wobble.  But like weebils I don’t fall down.  LOL!!!!  If I am in the 240’s that would be awesome.  I really feel like I’ve lost and it’s an awesome feeling. However, not knowing exactly how much really sucks. 
Again, thank you all for the support.  It has helped me more then you know.  I get on here a lot througout the day to check on blogs and to read my comments. 

When you’re laid up the easiest thing to do is sit around and think about what you want to do.  I know what I want. I want to walk to bathroom in a minute and not five..lol!!!!  I’m anxious to get out and exercise and help move this weight off.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m getting some exercise now by just using the walker.  I have to hop on one leg and keep my other leg up in the air.  My palms feel like they are bruised. 
My long term plans though are to get my leg back to 90% and get this weight off.  I have plans.  My SIL and I are going to take a night out to Indianapolis when we get to our 50 pounds gone mark.  I’m so excited about that.  It’s the first time in a long time that I have felt like I was going to succeed.  Heck, I’ve never had this much motivation.  Any other time I would have given up during a time when I was so bored.  I know it helps that I just can’t get up and get what I want.  My son is a good diet policeman.  He makes sure that I stay on plan and will refuse to get me anything that I can’t have or don’t have points left for.  He’s a great child.  He doesn’t have a weight problem at all and we make sure he knows that.  He also knows that I’m losing the weight for my health and not so much for my looks.  My child is 11 and he’s never been embarraassed by me.  My husband and I make sure that he knows to not judge someone on their looks but by how they are in the inside and how they treat people.  I don’t feel my weight has held me back as much as my foot did.  It’s time to fix them both.  I’m so excited.  I’m going to have a new leg, new body, and a new lease on life.

Hubby got me out of the house today.  I was pleased about that even though he did let me know that it was a hassle.  I told him to change places with me and he would be more understanding.  My poor child got stuck pushing me around in the wheelchair even though I don’t think he minded.  We went to Best Buy, the bookstore, and video store.

I did make some better choices today.  I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast.  I had leftover pizza for lunch/supper.  I ate at about 4 in the afternoon.  Cereal was at 11.  I didn’t wake up until late.  I ate to many pieces but I enjoyed it and am still within my points.  I did get smart and took a pepsi one with me to Kokomo so I wasn’t tempted to get a pop which has happened to me a couple of times lately.  I’m just as happy with the pepsi one’s.  I need to drink my water.  It’s the hardest thing for me to do when it should be one of the easiest.  The guys ate at Arby’s.  I didn’t because i know what would have happened.  I would have ate the food at Arby’s which is almost all high points and then I would have had the pizza because it was here.  I am getting smarter and learning.  The pizza tasted far better to me.

I can’t expect my entries to be too exciting.  Come on!  I sit in my oversized recliner day in and day out.  I used flex points yesterday and will probably use them today as well.  I had to take 6 pts off of my daily allowance because of the inactivity and I didn’t think losing them would be so hard.  It’s hard to not sit and want to eat.  I went out to lunch today with my aunt after therapy.  I got a salad, chicken drummies, and a baked potato. I ate the potato and salad.  I had a couple of the drummies but brought most of them home for supper.  I felt really hungry but did not eat much once I got the food. Oh , I had a chocolate shake.  Bad me!  I need to make better choices when I’m out.  I know this.  The one good thing about not being able to walk and being laid up is the fact that since I’m using a walker. I can’t carry anything with the walker.  I can’t get to food when I’m bored.  I have a cooler next to me and it has water and pepsi one’s in it. The only food in it is pudding which is 2 points and i’m getting extremely tired of it.

I  didn’t think I would be getting exercise while laid up.  WRONG!  It’s exercise everytime I have to move.  I have to lift the walker and hop on my good foot.  My muscles are getting used in my bad leg to keep it up in the air.  It’s hard to get into my house when I’m so tired.  Steps suck!   I do have a wheelchair to use so I can go out of the house and not overuse my leg.  My good leg gets so sore when i go to the doctor that it burns from all the weight being on it.  It will definetely be stronger when I’m through with all of this.

I had therapy today.  They took the bandage and splint off of my leg and tried to move my foot and ankle.  The therapist didn’t move it past the point of pain so that was nice.  I’m supposed to do it twice a day at home.  I’m not looking forward to that at all.  I can’t wait to be able to walk again.

The things I’m looking forward to after my foot heals is exercising and getting the weight off.  I should be able to exericise without pain and that will be nice.  The weight should come off better that way.  I want to take my son to fun places next year. I also want to go through nursing school without pain.  I don’t want to be a fat nurse.  I’m so excited that I got into nursing school.  I worked hard to get there and I got in.  How cool is that?

Okay, last night was a poor me day.   I think we all have them.  It’s okay but no more for me for a while.  I have a lot going on and have to stay strong for me and my families sake.  Right now, I want to tell everyone that I have the greatest sister in law that any person could ask for.  She found me a wheelchair to use and took me to the weight watchers meeting.  It wore me out but it was so nice to go out and feel normal for a couple of hours.  We borrowed a wheelchair from a friend of ours.  My mother in law says my husbands grandmother has an extra one and she will make sure I get one before the day is over so I can leave the house.  I won’t be stuck in the house any more.  Yippee!!!!  As far as pain, I don’t have much.  I have it pretty much under control.  I really expected to hurt more so it’s pretty nice.  I can’t wait though to get back to sleeping in my bed.  I’m sleeping and living in my oversized recliner.  Granted, I have control of the tv, a laptop, and almost everything I need so it’s not all that bad.  I just don’t get to cuddle with my hubby which is a huge change.  It’s amazing what we take for granted. 

Okay, as for ww.  I couldn’t weigh in this morning but I felt good going and getting the motivation from them.  I like the meetings and hearing the ideas and stories.  It’s nice to not feel alone.  It’s great to have a community like here at buddy slim but at the ww meetings you get to see actual people and you get immediate feedback.  I love all the support I get from both places.  You are all awesome here and have made my journey so much easier.  I was so afraid of gaining the weight back and getting a no care attitude while being laid up.  Come on my food is left in the hand of my husband and kid.  LOL!!!  Neither cook!  Last night’s meal was a lean cuisine pepperoni pizza.  It was okay though. I did stay within my points.  I did treat myself to my favorite fast food restaurant this morning but that is okay.  I’m not going to be perfect but at least I’m not letting the little mess ups get me down.  My SIL is a huge help.  We help each other and talk to each other often.  We are only a text message or phone call away from help.  We know that every meal may not be perfect but we have to leave it at that and not dwell on it.  How many times have we gotten into the trap where you screw up one meal or even a whole day and then you want to throw in the towel? We are not perfect.  We, no matter what plan we’re following, are going to have our days where we screw up.  One day every now and then is not going to put on 20 pounds as long as we keep it to one day and not a whole week or month or give up. 
I’m sorry to ramble.  I’m just feeling like I’m on top of the world right now.  We have to stay positive. 

First of all, Stephanie you are my life saver and a true God send.  I love you!!!  I enjoyed the lunch, the time with the kids, and the time with you.  You made my day. 
Today has been an odd day of ups and downs.  On the upside, I had a great lunch thanks to my wonderful sister stephanie.  She came from Logansport just to feed me and I so appreciated it.  I also found out today that I got accepted into the LPN program at school.  I will be a nurse.  I’m psyched about that.  I’ve worked hard for it and got it.

Okay, onto the downs.  I went to the doctor today.  It didn’t go bad by far.  I just got my bandage changed.  It just all dawned on me today how hard it is to get around.  My good leg ends up burning from carrying all my weight and it totally wears me out.  In order for me to go places,  I’ll need a wheelchair.  It’s just depressing.  Jason is sulking around because of everything having to deal with his family.  He was even crying.  I hate to see him like that.  The only time the man has cried was when his dad was ill.  It sucks. 
I guess what I’m saying is things are worse than I anticipated.  I want out of the house in the worst way.  It’s only been 3 days and I’m already going crazy.   I just want to go to the video store and I can’t because I don’t have the strength  to make it around and they don’t have anywhere to sit down.  I know things will get better.  I’m going to call my aunt and see if she still has my grandmothers wheelchair.  If she does, my life will get easier.  I’ll be non weight bearing until Nov. 6th when I get my staples out.  The good thing is that my leg does look good.  It’s not red or real swollen either.

I did follow my diet plan today and stayed within my points as well.  I’m very proud of that. 

Boredom is setting in.  I do have to go to the doctors office today.  I get my bandaged changed.  My dad and stepmom are taking me.  It’s going to be nice to get out of the house in ways but scary as well.  The steps in and out of the house are not fun to navigate.

I’m really aching as well.  I have been since about midnight last night.  The guys have been great except in the mornings when they are grumpy.  Jason helped me take a sponge bath last night.  I felt so yucky but felt better after he helped me.  We had drama with his family last night.  We got it handled though but not with the outcome that i would have liked. 

I’m going to try to count points today.  It’s just not easy to do when I am not really eating.  I thought I wouldn’t be exercising much.  Well, let me tell you.  Walking on a walker with a foot in the air is exercise.  It’s hard to keep it up when I’m going to the bathroom.  My upper right arm is aching as well.  I think today I may call fast food in.  We have a taco place that delivers.  We’ll see.

I would ask everyone to keep my husband’s family in their prayers.  Jason’s grandmother is going to pass away soon and they could use the prayers.  Thank you!

Okay, being non weight bearing sucks.  It means no lunch.  How can I keep my foot in the air on the walker and carry food?  I can’t.  I thought my MIL was going to come help me with lunch but that was a no go.  Oh well!!!  My son heated up my leftover lasagna for me when he got home from school.    I survived my day.   I did have snacks near my chair but not necessarily healthy ones.  I had graham crackers, lemonheads, and pudding.  I had a cooler that had water and pepsi one’s in it.   We have to figure out what we can do for me for lunch so I can eat.  It kind of sucked because I got hungry and couldn’t eat. 

Foot is aching but doesn’t compare to the boredom of sitting in a recliner all day. I’ll survive.